Walking On The Wildside
by Negolith
Summary: John has his date with Dr. Espinoza and learns that he isn't as human as he thought he was, and control is a tenous thing when you're part jaguar. This is NC-17 folks.


_Author's Note: I actually wrote the first version of this quite awhile ago as an attempt to see if I could write porn. Yes, porn. But the exercise actually turned out to be porn with character study. Huh, imagine that...._

**Walking on the Wild Side**

For several months now John had been sort of seeing Dr. Carlita Espinoza – she of the cute grin in the elevator from his second day on Atlantis. He had never forgotten that; it was one of the few bright spots from those first few days and the image was indelibly etched into his memory. Then on New Year's Eve she led him on a merry chase through the garden after stealing the hat to his incredibly embarrassing costume (which he was still going to get even with Teyla and Keller for). Oh yeah, that little pixie outfit she was wearing that night was something else. She was one of the yoga instructors in her spare time outside of the labs and rocked that little green dress, and along with her long dark curly hair and dark eyes – whoa, killer combination. Even though he was piss limber drunk at the time, he didn't mind the chase so much or the ransom dance to get his hat back afterwards. She was also a brilliant engineer and had been on Atlantis for less than a year, and apparently had been chased by half the male population without any success.

They had eaten several meals together, some even _alone_, and had taken a few walks through the greenhouse and outside, weather permitting. Eira and Ifan liked her – especially Ifan since her knowledge of Monty Python rivaled his. And John didn't need his empathic abilities or his heightened senses to know she was _really_ interested in him. New Year's proved she wasn't afraid of him in the least bit in his true form, either, and that was a big turn-on right there.

John was done with his lunch and was kicked back in his chair, arms crossed, chewing on a toothpick. He was only half listening to Zelenka and Rodney arguing about something, and Ronon and Lorne had given up on trying to get the two to change the subject and just ate their meals quietly. John was watching Carly – she was about four tables away and sitting with a group of friends. Every once in awhile she'd glance his way, and the little smile she'd give him would send a ripple of fur down his spine every time. And the faint one he'd give in return would make her blush, the three women with her giggle, and one even roll her eyes and fan herself.

After about the third time it happened he felt someone kick his foot. He looked at his company, who were _all_ watching him now with sly grins, and wondered when it got so quiet. He felt his ears get a little warm.

"So, hot date tonight, yes?" Zelenka said as he pushed up his glasses and bobbed his eyebrows.

His ears got warmer and he shrugged. "She invited me over to watch a movie…." It was actually supposed to have been a week ago, but between Rodney's transformation, having to fly to the mainland to meet Zelenka's pal Pavle, and getting put back on full duty, it got postponed to tonight.

The four men all went _ah_ and raised their eyebrows. "They sell condoms in the PX," Lorne added nonchalantly.

John glowered at him. "We're watching 'The Holy Grail' – not exactly romantic fodder, there."

"I don't think that'll make much difference," Ronon added as he glanced over at her. "Yeah, not much at all." He smirked at John and ran his hand over his goatee.

John growled faintly as he picked up his tray. Rodney started to open his mouth and John cut him off. "No, I'm _not_ going to give you details in the morning, Baloo." Then he stomped off and hoped his ears weren't too red as he went to put his tray in the dish line. Thankfully, Carly's table was in the opposite direction.

-oOo-

John ran his hand down the door controls and could hear the faint chime on the other side with his sensitive vargyr ears. A couple seconds later it opened and the smell of popcorn hit him full in the face. And underneath that was Carly's own scent of handmade spearmint soap and something that always made him think of being stretched out on a big warm rock in the sunshine in a field of sunflowers. He held up the six-pack of cold bottles of beer and grinned. "As requested." She grinned back, and damn – those dimples….

"And I just popped the popcorn." She stepped aside as he came in.

The standard crew quarters were made up of three rooms – a small living room/office area with mini-fridge and microwave, the bedroom, and the bath. John glanced around and saw she had a lot of Mexican folk art pieces around the place, and their bright splashes of color really made the room cheerful. He sat the beer down on a small coffee table next to a very large stainless steel bowl of popcorn. And judging from the smell, it had real butter on it. "Whoa, I see you paid a quarter more for the one with free refills."

She giggled as she plopped down on the small sofa, and he decided her giggle was about as devastating as her dimples. "Hey – the only way to watch movies." She curled her legs up underneath her and leaned her side into the back of the sofa. The relaxed position made her t-shirt ride up on her left side exposing a lot of smooth olive skin, and he had to avert his eyes before he just stood there and stared.

_Good lord, get a grip, John. You're not a teenager,_ he thought and mentally slapped himself. He quickly grabbed a beer, twisted the cap off, and handed it to her as he sat. The sofa sucked him in, and was small enough he found her knees pressed against his thigh and her elbow on the back of the sofa would be within touching distance of his shoulder. He unlaced his boots and kicked them off before he grabbed his own beer and took a long pull. "Ya know, I don't think I've seen this since college – and it was a crappy VHS copy with bad sound." He grimaced. "And I was pretty toasted." She giggled at his expression and he felt the tingling ripple of fur down his spine again, the vargyr equivalent of happy goose bumps.

"Oh, you're going to love the anniversary edition. The extras are as good as the movie." As he slouched down into a more comfortable position she grabbed the popcorn and cradled it between them – she had to have borrowed the thing from the mess. It was _huge_. "The bit where they go back and visit the locations is worth the whole thing."

"Huh." John stretched his long legs out and grabbed a handful of popcorn. Oh yeah, real butter and lots of salt. Perfect. He noticed the stack of napkins all too late, but Carly leaned forward and snatched them. She handed some to him, and the rest she sat on the back of the sofa just above his shoulder. Then she hit the remote.

They made it through two beers each, not quite half of the popcorn, and maybe, if they were lucky, half of the movie before he decided he couldn't take it any longer. He was more than aware of the light pressure of her knees against his side in his current position, and he could see her out of the corner of his eye watching him more than the movie. But then, when she was watching the movie he was doing the same thing. And her _scent_ – the musk he was picking up now under her already distracting soap combined with the feelings she was projecting had his heart racing. Damn empathy – no wonder why he felt like a nervous teenager again. He was glad he had custody of the bowl of popcorn now because it was hiding his partial erection, and with his pants still a little baggy from his weight loss due to his injuries last fall, it was a tad noticeable.

When it finally got too unbearable, he planted his feet flat on the floor, sat up, and set the bowl back on the table. He took a deep breath and swiveled to face her – one hand on the back of the sofa, the other resting lightly on her ankles – and he could only guess what the expression on his face was right then. _Hunger_ probably didn't even begin to cover what he was feeling. Her eyes grew wider for a moment, then narrowed to half slits, and a second later the wave of lust that rolled off of her made him grow harder. His right hand was just brushing her forearm, so he kept that there and cautiously reached forward with his left and cradled her face. She didn't retreat, but instead closed her eyes and sighed heavily as she rubbed her cheek against his palm. He pulled her in cautiously, his heart racing, but she didn't resist and only when their lips met did he finally close his own eyes.

The first kiss was tentative – hardly more than a barely discernable brushing of lips against lips – but the contact still raised fur along his spine and stomach. Then they were _really_ kissing, and he slid his hand from her jaw into her loose fall of curls and to the back of her head. He could feel her hand on his chest a second later, and as it slowly slid up to his neck he thought for sure his heart was going to burst. It had been so long since a woman had even touched him like this …. He groaned as he leaned harder into her and flicked his tongue along her salty lips, testing and praying for her to open up to him, but a sudden bright, hot flash of fear from her made him snap his head back just as she gasped.

He stared at her in alarm, his mouth open and his breath coming quickly. Her own eyes were wide, and she held the hand that was previously exploring his collarbone to her own lips. He found he had backed up as far as he could on the tiny sofa and felt his erection begin to wilt at the fear he could still feel coming from her. "Oh, crap – this … this was a bad idea," he mumbled quickly and started to rise.

But she reached out for his arm and her light touch kept him from going any further. "No – no, don't go," she said quickly. "Your tongue … startled me, is all. It's … it's rough." The words came out slightly dazed and incredulous.

John swallowed and was still unsure as to whether or not he should leave when her eyes narrowed and a very sly smile lit her face. The renewed wave of lust that hit him made his dick harden again and _twitch_ from where it was uncomfortably trapped. He moaned softly as he sank back onto the sofa. "Well, yeah – I _am_ a cat, after all." The words came out so rough he barely recognized his own voice.

"Hmm. This has possibilities," she said in a throaty purr of her own. Then she latched onto his head with both hands and her tongue was against his lips seeking entrance.

This time fur rippled along his arms as he leaned into her. Their kisses were hard, brutal, _hungry_, as they desperately surrendered to the animal need that was growing between them. Carly started to uncurl her legs, so John pulled them free and draped them across his thighs. She had to feel his erection against her thigh by now and he pushed her back against the plush arm of the little sofa. His left hand went to her waist, his right still along the back of the sofa for support more than anything else, and her tongue was flicking into his mouth to catch another feel of his. He met it, and she made a desperate sound in the back of her throat as she ran both hands up into his unruly hair. When her nails scratched along his scalp he couldn't help but growl. It was low, completely inhuman, and rumbled from deep in his chest, and she made a small sound of surprise and threw her head back. John took advantage of the motion and started trailing his lips along the line of her jaw, then down to her long, slender neck. He flicked his rough tongue along the pulse point in her throat, tasting the salt from her perspiration and smelling the mint of her soap, and Carly arched into him and moaned.

John felt her hands leave his hair only to start tugging at his t-shirt a second later. He sat back, pulled it off and tossed it aside, then he just took a moment to stare down at her. Her eyes were dilated, her breath coming just as fast and hard as his, her lips swollen from the rough kisses. She ran her hands up his chest and he couldn't keep from shivering at her touch. "Get back down here." He grinned wickedly and his lips found hers again, and as her hands roamed over his chest and shoulders his left hand found the hem of her t-shirt and slid underneath. He ran his fingers lightly along her ribs and felt her shudder, and when he cupped her breast and teased a taught nipple through the soft fabric she moaned into his mouth.

Carly's hands ran down his sides, her fingernails trailing lightly along his ribs. He growled again and she laughed into his mouth. "You like that?" She ran her fingers back up, only this time slowly _dragging_ her nails along his skin to his shoulders.

"Oh, God," John groaned into her mouth and arched his back into her touch to make her nails drag almost painfully against his skin. She had absolutely _no clue _how much of a turn-on that was to a vargyr. He bucked against her leg and damn near came right there. Then her hands were coming back down and he had to grab them and pull them away. He pinned them above her head as he put his forehead against hers, and she squirmed against him in the most distracting way. "You keep … doing that. Short night," he panted out.

"Oh."

He was pretty sure by her tone she was filing that bit of information away for future use. His lips found hers again, and he let go of her hands so he could brace his against the arm of the sofa. He shifted to reposition his knee between hers, and they both almost wound up on the floor. "Dammit. We need…."

"More room. Bedroom. Thataway."

John pushed away but was reluctant to part lips with her, so he simply solved the problem by finally getting her legs around his hips and hoisting her up with him as he stood. The strength in her legs as they wrapped around his waist was surprising, and with her arms around his neck he didn't have to worry about supporting her as he stumbled towards the bedroom. Which was fine by him – it allowed him to get both hands under her t-shirt and find the clasp to her bra. When he sat her on her feet at the foot of the bed he pulled both up and away from her when what he really wanted to do was just tear them off completely.

One of the lamps by the bed was on, and in the muted light they both suddenly stopped and just _looked_ at each other, their breath harsh with mutual lust. He found her breasts were small but round and tipped with surprisingly small brown areolas and nipples, her stomach toned and with more definition than his own. He was about to pull her in, show her what his tongue would feel like on her breasts, when she reached out and touched the healed surgery scar on his stomach.

John's breath hitched and his stomach tensed as he froze in place.

Carly trailed her fingers lightly from where the scar began just below his sternum and ran down to the low waistband of his jeans. Her expression was somewhere between lust and sadness as she followed the thick white line down. "Oh," she said softly and the pain behind that one bare breath of a word made him shudder. Then her fingers found the swollen head of his cock where it was trapped between the waistband of his boxers and stomach, and she carefully smoothed the clear drop beading on its tip.

John sucked in a breath and his knees almost buckled as her work callused thumb circled the tip of his cock almost lazily. He growled loudly, even bared his teeth, and cradled her face in both hands and kissed her hungrily. She moaned back and he could feel her hands working the button and fly of his jeans as their tongues met. She pushed his jeans down and they broke apart only long enough for him to roughly relieve her of her own jeans and underwear. He threw her on the bed, and a moment later he was on top of her, their hands frantically roving over fever hot skin and practically devouring each other with nearly uncontrolled need.

Carly buried her hands into John's hair and tugged him down. He didn't fight the redirection, and a second later his catlike tongue was flicking at a tight nipple. She cried out and arched, and as he continued to mercilessly lick and tease first one, then the other into a hard peak she started rubbing herself against his thigh.

John could feel how wet she was, and the growl that escaped him was more felt than heard. When she reached down and grabbed his cock, he broke contact long enough to gasp, "Didn't bring…."

"Have some. Drawer," Carly gasped back. She indicated which bed stand with a flick of her head while she continued to stroke him.

John got the drawer open while locking his lips back on hers, and managed to get the box of condoms open one handed before fumbling a packet out. He ripped it open with his teeth, pulled away long enough to get it situated, then he was back. He teased the head of his cock along her slit a few times, and even through the latex could feel her heat. Then she was the one to let out a low _human_ growl, reach down and position him, wrap her legs around his ass, and pull herself onto him with her strong legs. John froze again and shuddered as her tight slick heat wrapped around him, and for a moment his brain just shorted out. He was still for only a moment before he was rolling his hips and growling as his _body_ remembered what to do. He tried to go slow, even pulled back until he was nearly free and slid back in several times, but it truly had been years since someone besides his own right hand had held him like this and soon he was thrusting away in a desperate rhythm. He planted both hands by Carly's side and pushed himself up to watch her as he tried to thrust every bit of his length as deep as he could into her. Her eyes were closed, her head back and her hands running up and down his arms, his sides, and she still had both legs locked around him. She was muttering rapidly in Spanish, and he was growling softly with every exhale.

He could literally _feel_ her orgasm build with his empathy, and that spurred him on. He pulled one of her legs up over his hip, his hand cradling her ass, and was pounding her so hard she had to put her hands up to keep her head from bouncing against the headboard. Then she arched, and her litany became a long drawn out incoherent cry as she clenched him painfully. He came so hard a moment later he threw his head back, his fangs slid free, and he damn near roared as fur rippled the entire length of his body. For a moment he was frozen, muscles taught and straining before he bucked three, four times spastically. He collapsed down onto his elbows a moment later, his body shaking from the physical release as well as the empathic one. Then because he knew he couldn't stay in that position, he held the base of the condom as he slid out of her and flopped over onto his back. Carly groaned, drew her knees up, then rolled into him, and they both lay there panting, skin flushed and covered in sweat, for several minutes.

"Holy fuck," John let out in one quick burst. He ran a hand down his face and chuckled silently between gasps – he had expected something to happen this night, but not something that, well … _frantic_. His arm flopped back down on the bed and he was sure he couldn't move anything from the, oh, sternum down at the moment.

Carly made a very happy noise in the back of her throat and nuzzled his shoulder. "Been awhile?" she asked and nipped at his skin.

"Oh, yeah." John lifted his head and glanced down. He was glad to know things still worked after …. Then his head dropped back as he decided he really didn't need to think about _that_ right now.

"Let me take care of that," Carly said and sat up. She slid the condom off and he groaned at her touch on overly sensitized skin. He even rocked his hips slightly when she wiped him clean with a tissue and she made another sound and arched an eyebrow at him. "It has been awhile." He grinned wickedly up at her.

His brain started to function again and his eyebrows creased. "I didn't hurt you, did I?" He realized he was pretty out of control at the end, and with his vargyr strength ….

"No, you didn't," she replied. She leaned her head down, her long hair veiling both their faces, and kissed him languidly.

He pulled her down onto his chest, and they spent quite awhile doing just that. The kisses were light, unrushed, with hardly any tongue except the very tips, and it was awhile before the heat returned. John rolled her over onto her back and showed her the advantages of a raspy tongue as he explored every inch of skin from her lips to her thighs, the swell of her breasts long before the nipples, the line of her abs and the arch of her hips, and when he finally settled between her legs it only took a few slow strokes on her clit to have her painfully burying her hands in his hair and moaning his name as she came. He was so hard by then he hurt, and this time he was able to take _his_ time. He drew it out as long as he could, forcing himself to take slow sweet strokes that nearly drove him insane until they both couldn't take it anymore.

The second time he came he did white out briefly, and when the world returned he had pulled out and had his cheek pressed against her stomach and her hands were gently carding through his sweat spiked hair. He took care of the condom this time, and when he dropped exhaustedly onto his back she curled up next to him. He kissed the top of her head, took in a deep breath, and on the exhale purred.

Carly let out a surprised gasp and partially sat up, her right forearm braced on his chest, her dark eyes wide. He cracked open one eye and saw the look of pure amazement on her face and smiled contentedly. "You can purr?" He just nodded and closed his eye, the deep rumbling never even faltering in its steady rhythm. Then he felt her settle back, and as he dozed off he was still purring, and she had one ear pressed against his chest.

He could feel her smile against his cooling skin.

-oOo-

John woke up a few hours later. The light was still on and they only had a light blanket covering them. She must have done that after he fell asleep, because he sure didn't remember that. He was on his right side, her back pressed up against him, his partial erection pressed in the warm cleft of her ass. As much as he wanted to stay there, he really needed to use the bathroom, so he carefully rolled away. She didn't even stir, even after he tucked the blanket in around her back.

He quietly padded into the bathroom and closed the door before he turned on the light, and as he walked past the mirror he stopped and squinted. There were three small hickeys underneath his right collarbone. Huh, something else he didn't remember. A very crooked grin lit his face as he went over to the toilet. It took a moment for the urine to flow, and when it did he growled very softly. Yup, it had been a very long time.

When he sat back down on the bed Carly rolled over and smiled sleepily up at him. She sat up a moment later, the blanket pooling around her hips, and crawled over until she could press up against his back and wrap one arm around him. John leaned his head back and closed his eyes as she nuzzled his shoulder. His left hand caught her right and he held it against his chest, then he turned his head and her lips found his a moment later.

"You are so beautiful," she whispered a moment later. "In both forms."

John opened his eyes, drew his head back, and raised one eyebrow. She blushed and lowered her own gaze, then a second later her lips were brushing his shoulder again. He swiveled around to face her more, his right hand braced on the mattress.

"You are," she said and ran a hand along his jaw.

He really had no idea how to react to that except to make a very unintelligent _uh_ as his ears got warm. When she laughed softly he felt his neck get warm. He didn't feel any sarcasm behind her laugh. Quite the contrary, actually – there was amusement as well as surprise.

"You don't hear compliments often, do you?"

"Uh, not ones like that, no." Then he caught nervousness and he raised both eyebrows and dipped his chin a fraction. "What?"

"Could you change for me?" she asked a second later and blushed even darker.

John couldn't stop the smirk. "Oh." He drew the word out in amusement. "Didn't know you were into kinky stuff." He watched her blush creep down to her chest, and he distractedly thought about leaning forward and following the line of heat with his lips…. Yeah, that _would_ be nice.

"Please? I want to see … _you_ again."

He stopped in the process of leaning forward and glanced up at her face. She was truly sincere in the request, and obviously knew _something_ about vargyrs. He sat back up and just watched her for a few seconds, trying to sense anything besides the pure curiosity and mild embarrassment he could feel. He sighed. "I suppose," he said with a little smile a moment later. He lowered his head, closed his eyes, and Changed. The little intake of breath he heard from her made him smile again as he lifted his head. Her eyes were wide and the wave of, well, excitement he felt come off of her made the fur along his spine stand briefly on end. It also made something else start to stir and stand up.

"Does that hurt?" she asked tentatively as she reached out and ran fingers across his muzzle-like upper lip and down along his cheek and jaw.

"No." He shrugged. "Makes my skin kinda tingle, and my teeth itch." She frowned and he _grinned_ at her to show her his fangs. She drew her hand back and he closed his mouth, but a second later her hand was back tracing the lines and planes of his face.

"I can still see so much of your human face." Her fingers ran up to his forehead and she smiled. "You have markings."

John had his eyes half shut as he enjoyed her light touch and he grinned somewhat goofily, his whiskers flicking forward briefly. "Got spots, too." Then her other hand was trailing down his back, and when she buried her fingers into the fur in the small of his back and scritched he let out a low, deep, burbling growl and shuddered. She laughed softly, but tensed up a second later when he suddenly darted forward, his partly open mouth inches from her throat. He extended his whiskers and could feel the vibration of her wildly beating heart through the incredibly sensitive nerves at their base. Then he gently nuzzled her throat and she relaxed, and the heady mixture of his scent overlying hers brought out a bit of territorial behavior in him. His free hand came up to her neck, the claws partially extended, and he nipped lightly at the side of her throat. Her sharp inhale followed by a wave of desire and underlying fear made his erection practically vibrate against his stomach. "My people have a saying for this," he said huskily as he continued to nip and lick at her throat. His claws came out more, their clear tips dimpling her flesh as his control faltered just a tiny bit.

"Th … this?" Carly gasped. She threw her head back and bit down on a moan.

He growled as her action made his control slip even more. "Human/vargyr kink." His hand slid from her neck to her right breast, the claws fully extended now, and he started to push her back and down. She didn't resist, and that brought out more of the jaguar. "We call it 'taking a walk on the wild side'." His words were almost more animal growl than true voice now. He got his knees underneath him, his lips still at her throat, and he had full intention of just flipping her over onto her stomach and taking her from behind, his teeth at the nape of her neck, when her hand wrapped around his aching erection and squeezed.

He was suddenly back in the astronomy lab, and he could damn near _smell_ Chaya and Kolya as the memory rose unbidden and in full blown Technicolor. His eyes shot open and he shoved backwards, hard. He barely registered Carly's startled and painful cry as his ass hit the floor and he scooted backwards, his erection wilting and his pulse pounding. In the second it took to come up hard against one of her dressers he was human again, and beyond freaked. Something toppled off the top of the dresser, bounced off his head, and rolled across the floor. "Okay, not good, John. No wild side. Walking. Oh shit." His voice was panicked as he panted out the words, and the little smart-assed voice in his mind that liked to assert itself in stressful situations drawled, _That was smooth, Yoda_. Carly sat up, her eyes wide, and he could see livid welts on her neck and five long scratches down her breast. The tiny beads of blood were dark against her olive skin, and as far as he was concerned, he'd laid her open to the bone. "Oh, God," he groaned out, and the pain made his voice crack. Sweat broke out all over, and he started to shake.

"John?" Carly came off the bed and was kneeling next to him. Concern and fear overwhelmed him and he shied away, but she caught him by the shoulders. "John, shh. It's okay. It's okay."

He could smell the tiny amount of blood, and her neck looked even worse up close. He reached trembling fingers to the angry marks, but pulled them away before he could touch the hot skin. Apparently she didn't know _that_ much about vargyrs. "Oh, God. I'm so, so sorry. I didn't mean to hurt…." He had been so close to losing control and _really_ hurting her, and the thought made him groan in agony again. Bile rose in the back of his throat.

She shushed him again. "I'm fine. It's okay." She cradled his jaw and kissed the worried crease on his forehead, then hugged him, her own cheek on the top of his head and his shoulder against her stomach. "Good God – you're shaking!" Then her hands were stroking his hair, his cheek, and she continued to whisper assurances to him.

The genuine concern flowing off of her began to calm him and exorcise the nightmare images that had come to the surface, but it didn't assuage any of the guilt. He hung his head. "This _was_ a bad idea," he said quietly after a few minutes. "I should go." When he started to pull away again she held on tight.

"Nonsense. Stay," she whispered and turned his face to hers. The kiss she gave him was gentle, sweet, and completely forgiving.

He let out a shaky sigh and drew back. Then he saw her neck and his eyebrows crooked up in the center. He didn't break the skin, but from the small red spots just under the surface on a few of the bites he came damn close. "You, ah, we should get a cold compress on those. I'm so sorry." He got to his feet and held a hand out to her. Carly's hand went to her neck and her eyebrows lowered at the heat she could feel there. She put her other hand in his and he helped her up. When he turned his foot caught whatever had fallen off the dresser and he kicked it into the bathroom. He caught a flash of pale green before it rolled out of sight. When he glanced at the dresser he saw several pre-Columbian style figurines done in simple clay, all tipped over at the moment.

He sat Carly up on the counter and she deliberately did not look in the mirror. He knew where the washcloths would be – this bathroom was set up the same as his. He kicked the thing again, and when he picked it up after it quit rolling around on the tile he found it was a piece of jade the size of a golf ball. He turned it around and found a jaguar face carved in the Olmec style snarling back up at him. That made his eyebrows rise, then he was frowning. He got a washcloth, and when he returned to Carly he was still frowning.

Carly took the piece from him and smiled shyly. "They sell them for fifty-cents, American, in Cancun. I used to have three of them, but lost the others." She sat it on the counter then pushed her long hair behind her left ear. Her neck was awful in the harsh bathroom lights, and when he started to open his mouth to apologize yet again she held finger up to his lips. "It's. Okay."

John stayed silent, but the lips drawn in, crooked eyebrow guilty expression remained as he soaked the cloth down and gently wiped the scratches. They really were superficial and not that bad. Then he held the cloth under the cold tap until his hand went numb before he folded it and held it to her neck. He didn't speak until the second time he cooled it down and the puffiness wasn't so bad. "If we're going to keep seeing each other, we need to establish a few ground rules," he said very softly. "Okay?"

"Okay." Carly had her hand over his on the cloth.

"Number one: be careful with the fingernails."

She grinned wickedly. "That really turns you on, doesn't it?"

"Oh, God – more than you can imagine." He said it in a rush, his voice a little rough. He cleared his throat and had to take a couple deep breaths before continuing. "Number two: when I'm, uh, really worked up, be careful about showing – no – _offering_ me your throat. It's a, um, submissive thing, and the results are, can be …." He sighed. "I have fangs in both forms, you know." To emphasize the statement, he bared his teeth briefly. His canines hadn't retracted fully yet and still showed prominently. "And if I'm not thinking too clearly…."

"All right. I understand." And from the brief flash of fear, she really did.

John pulled the cloth away, grimaced, and put it back. "Number three, and the most important one: please don't ask me to change ever again, especially when we're … you know. I … it …." He took in a deep breath and let it out in a long heavy sigh. He lowered his head, and his next words were barely audible. "I have some really fucked up memories right now. So please – don't." Now it was his turn to catch some guilt from her, and he wondered what she had heard about the events last fall up on the seventh floor. He met her eyes. "Okay?"

"Okay."

He pulled the cloth away and grimaced. "I hope you own some turtlenecks," he said guiltily. She finally turned her head and looked, and he could see her reflected eyes get really, really big. "Sorry." She swallowed, then met his eyes and smiled kindly. But underneath there was a hint of fear, and that just hurt. And, sadly, wasn't entirely unexpected. He set the washcloth in the sink and picked her up off the counter.

Before he set her feet on the floor she gave him a quick kiss on the end of his nose. Then she grabbed his hand and tugged gently. "C'mon. We both need sleep."

He couldn't argue with that. When they got back out into the bedroom he took one look at the tears in the comforter and the little tufts of batting sticking out and groaned. "Looks like I owe you a new bedspread." He grimaced guiltily again.

Carly just shrugged as she pulled back covers and rearranged pillows. She smiled up at him. "I've been wanting to change this thing, anyway." She slid in between the sheets, and when he still remained standing there she reached over, grabbed his hand, and tugged.

He turned off the light before he joined her, and he lay somewhat stiffly on his back as she snuggled up next to him. He felt her hand on his cheek a moment later.

"Relax, I'm all right." Carly's fingers found his mouth in the dark, then her lips were there and she gave him the gentlest kiss. She settled back down, and before she rested her head on his shoulder she kissed his chest a few times. "But if it really bothers you, I wouldn't mind a down comforter."

John could feel her smile against his chest and he took in a deep breath. When he released it he finally relaxed some. "I suppose I could do that." She made a little _hmm_ noise and rubbed her cheek against his skin, her fingers idly playing with his chest hair. He had to put a hand over hers because, well, it tickled like crazy.

Even though he was exhausted, he laid in the dark for a long time listening to her steady breathing. Until his father's voice suddenly echoed through his thoughts – _need I remind you you're not _human_, Johnny boy? _

John grimaced in the dark. _No shit,_ he snarled back.

_They will _never_ accept you for what you are._

John's hand covered Carly's where it still rested on his chest. She stirred and rolled away from him, but did not break contact. He rolled onto his side and gently pulled her closer up against him. She made a sleepy, happy noise as he wrapped his arm around her and nuzzled her shoulder. _Somebody has – lots of people have. So, fuck you,_ he thought, and thankfully the inner demon kept its comments to itself. It wasn't long before he finally fell asleep, Carly's warmth and scent and steady heartbeat his anchor. His dreams, however, didn't let him sleep long, and when he woke up with a start an hour later he swore he could taste blood. But Carly was still spooned up next to him and breathing deeply, contentedly.

John stayed awake until dawn, and only then did he doze off again. The gray light actually seemed to help keep the dreams at bay.

_End Note: John, John, John. Sigh. You animal, you.... Better be careful there, don't want to get burned._


End file.
